


Thanksgiving

by oooknuk



Series: Mutable Scars [4]
Category: Highlander: The Series
Genre: M/M, Schmoop
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-05
Updated: 2017-07-05
Packaged: 2018-11-23 15:45:21
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,291
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11405514
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/oooknuk/pseuds/oooknuk
Summary: Duncan has a visit to make





	Thanksgiving

Duncan pushed the heavy oak door shut and the muted clang reverberated around the simple stone interior of St Julian le Pauvre. It wasn't enough to wake the sleeping occupant of the pushchair he had brought with him. The single worshipper at the front of the church, did, however, glance briefly in his direction before returning to her own meditations. 

He took a seat at the back of the church, leaving Xan slumbering in the aisle. The air was still, and faintly redolent of incense – perhaps a funeral had been held in the last day or so. The traffic outside could be heard but only in a muffled way. Even the sing-song call of an ambulance sounded distant through the thick walls. 

He needed a few minutes to get his emotions clear. St Julians always had a disturbing effect on him – at once centering him, giving him a sense of peace and belonging, but at the same time reminding him of his loss, of the times he had come here in distress to seek the welcoming wisdom he had relied on for so long, and missed so much. "Darius," he whispered. Just saying the beloved name made his chest tighten painfully. _Darius, my friend. I need you now._

After a little while, the woman parishioner blessed herself and walked slowly down the aisle, nodding to him as she passed, sparing a look for his sleeping child. He forced a smile in response but was glad to be alone. Unreasonable of him, he knew, to dislike sharing this sacred place. Darius would be annoyed with him. At the thought, a more genuine smile briefly crossed his face. 

He stood and wheeled the pram to the front of the church, crossing himself respectfully before kneeling at the alter rail. He bowed his head and started to make a brief prayer, but his words trailed away as images assailed him. _Darius ... lying dead...Tessa, her eyes open and unseeing, her skin so cold...._ "Darius, help me," he whispered again, blinking to try and clear his vision. 

_What troubles you, my young friend?_ He could almost hear Darius' quiet voice. 

Xan made a soft noise, and Duncan lifted him carefully, still wrapped in his warm blankets, and held him in his arms. The child was still fast asleep. "Can you see him? He's my son. I wanted you to see him. I wanted ... I need your blessing, Darius. He's Tessa's child. See how much he looks like her?" 

The late evening sun came through the stained glass windows, lending other colours to the gold flicker from the candles, bathing them and the alter in a warm, gentle light. "He's so precious to me. He's all I have left. Everyone else is gone, Darius. Tessa. Richie. Sean. Fitz. You. I'm terrified I'll lose Xan and Methos too. I don't know how to keep them safe. I couldn't save you, or her ...." 

He bowed his head again, and held his child close. The echoes of his words died down and his only answer was the silence and the peace. But strangely, he felt as if he was no longer alone. Almost as if there was another spirit there with him. Standing by him. "Methos says everything's a gamble," he said. "He says between us we can give Xan a long and good life, that we can protect him as well as any two parents can possibly do. I'm taking him home, Darius. Back to Glenfinnan. My son will be a Highlander too, isn't that something?" He laughed a little at the idea and imagined Darius' broad smile. "We haven't decided what to tell him about us yet. Methos says we've got plenty of time to work something out." 

He stood and lifted Xan up. "I know our relationship is against the church, Darius. But see my child and look over him, my old friend. I'll do everything I can to bring him up according to your teachings. I'll do everything to protect him from the violence of our lives. I won't let the Game touch him, I swear that." 

The Christ on the crucifix behind the alter gazed benignly down, neither judging nor approving. "I know you can see us, Darius. I hope you will give me the strength I need. God knows how much I need it now." 

He backed away until he reached the first row of pews and he sat again. Xan was beginning to stir, his little fingers twisting and his face moving as he tried to wake up. He would be wanting his feed soon. They would have to be getting home. "Does it surprise you that I'm with a man, Darius? Methos thought it wouldn't worry you as much as I thought. He's not a believer, but I guess you know that. You knew him, he said. That you loved him as a friend, and that he mourned you too. You know what he was, but he's a good man," he added earnestly. " _His left hand is under my head, and his right hand doth embrace me._ I love him, Darius. He loves me so much. He saved Xan for me. He couldn't save Tessa." 

He couldn't go on. No one could have saved Tessa. Tessa should never have died a second time. She should never have lived. Would Darius have thought her an abomination? _No, my child. She was a gift from God._ "She was a gift, Darius. She was a miracle and she gave me my son. But I wish she was still here." 

He laughed at himself. "Oh, Darius. I can just hear you telling me off. Telling me not to question the workings of God. I know it's wrong to want more when I have so much." Xan burbled, and made a reaching motion. Automatically he gave the child his finger to play with, and it was seized by tiny fists. "Is it enough, Darius? Do I have enough in me to do this?"he said more loudly than he intended. 

Startled by his sharp tone, Xan let out a cry and Duncan soothed him. "Sorry, little man." He looked up at the altar. "I guess it doesn't matter, does it? I'm all he has. Me and Methos. His fathers. We have to be enough." 

He stood up and put Xan back into his pram. "We're leaving Paris tomorrow, Darius. Will you pray for us? Put a good word in for a couple of sinners? I'm going get him christened at home. I can imagine you as his godfather, if you don't mind?" He smiled at his foolishness. Of course Darius wouldn't mind. 

"See you soon, old friend." _Go with God, Duncan,_ he fancied he heard, and he smiled again. "I'll try." 

He was almost out of the church when the doors opened and a pair of nuns entered. They nodded gravely, and the taller of the two ventured a dignified 'Bonjour, monsieur.' But then, seeing that the pram was occupied, they came closer. "Oh, le petit!" the other one exclaimed. "Si beau. Votre fils?" 

"Oui, petite soeur. Il a trois mois." 

"Un très beau bébé. Ou est votre femme?" 

Duncan cleared his throat. "Morte. Elle est morte." 

They exclaimed in sympathy, and promised to pray for him and his dead spouse. He was grateful when they moved into the body of the church and he could wipe the polite smile off his face and escape out onto the street. Xan was fully awake now, and crying a little, wanting his bottle. Duncan hailed a taxi and took it to the hotel where Methos was waiting for him 

"Ah there's my boy. Come to me, little one." He took Xan from Duncan. "You want to heat up his bottle?" 

Duncan nodded and put the kettle on. Even though they were only going to be in the hotel one night, Methos had provided the room with a bottle warmer and other accoutrements, determined to make the transition from barge to train to croft as painless and trouble-free as possible. It puzzled Duncan a little but since it gave him no pain to indulge his lover, and made his life easy, he was more than happy to let Methos do as he pleased. 

"And how was Darius?" Methos asked as Duncan handed him the warmed bottle. He froze, forcing Methos to pluck the bottle from his nerveless fingers. "What?" 

"How did you know?" 

"Come on, Mac. You disappear for hours just before we move, you don't want to tell me where you're going and," he shrugged a little, "you just told me. Besides, I'm surprised you haven't been to St Julian's with our boy before now." Methos indicated that Duncan should sit beside him, and as Duncan took his seat, Methos leaned against him. "Do you feel better?" he asked quietly. 

"A little. Maybe I shouldn't have gone." 

"Of course you had to go, Mac. Darius would never have forgiven you." 

Duncan stared at his lover. "Don't make fun of my beliefs, Methos," he said roughly. "Just because you don't believe ...." 

"I'm not, Mac. Believe me, I'm not. You think you're the only one who ever goes there to talk to him?" 

"I didn't know," Duncan said, abashed. 

"You weren't intended to. So did he approve?" 

"I don't know." 

Methos turned his head and smiled at Duncan. "Sure you do. And what did he tell you to do?" 

"He didn't say anything. There was nothing there, Methos." 

Methos sighed. "Oh, Mac," he said gently. "Darius isn't just in St Julians." He laid his hand on Duncan's heart, over his chest. "In your heart and in your head. You know what he would say. If you can't do this, no one can." 

"Maybe nobody can." 

Methos arched an eyebrow. "You're not suggesting we give up, are you? Kinda leaves this little guy out in the cold. I can't see dumping him in an orphanage is going to improve his lot." 

"God, I'm not suggesting that," Duncan said with irritation, moving away from his partner. "I'm just saying that with the Game, and everything else, maybe nothing we can do will be enough. Maybe we can't keep him safe, no matter how hard we try." 

"And would Darius say we should give up?" 

"Darius could never imagine this situation!" Methos didn't admonish him, his frown being all the reminder Duncan needed to lower his voice. "How could he?" he said fiercely. 

"I think you underestimate him, Mac. But how is our situation different from Cassandra's? Xan will have two powerful male immortals to protect him. That's a hell of an advantage." 

"And a hell of a liability." Methos bowed his head. Duncan smiled wryly at him. "I'm not making a lot of sense, am I?" 

"Don't know why you should start now, Highlander. Why don't you take him?" Methos said, handing Duncan Xan. He stood then bent down and kissed Duncan on the lips. "If Xan was my biological child , there is no one I would want by my side to raise him more than you. Not just because I love you more than life, which I do, by the way, in case I haven't mentioned it lately." Duncan grinned a little. "You're brave and you're honest and true. But you're also just sneaky enough to get by." 

"Not as sneaky as you, old man." 

"No one's as sneaky as me, MacLeod. That's why we make the perfect parents." Methos cupped his chin. "Mac, listen to me. Your worry is natural. Your fears are natural. This is what being a parent is about, Immortal or mortal. Yes, there are things which make it harder, but we have advantages to offer that other people can't. There are no guarantees. You want them because you're grieving. I understand. But I can't give them to you. Darius can't give them to you." Methos stroked his hair, and Duncan leaned into the familiar caress. "In time, your pain will lift, Mac, as did mine. Lean on me as I did you, trust me as I trusted you, even for just a little while longer." 

"No one else, Methos," Duncan said, his voice hoarse with emotion. "No one else I would trust more." And then Xan chose that moment to push the bottle away and announce that he was bored with feeding now. Without even needing to think about it, he shifted the baby to his shoulder, Methos whisking the nappy they were using as a bib to rest under Xan's head to protect Duncan's shirt. _A well oiled team,_ Duncan thought, and he smiled. 

Methos touched his lips. "That's more like it. So, you think you can do this after all?" 

"Aye. Bring it on." 

"Good man." 

_A leap of faith_ , Duncan thought, then looked up, almost expecting to see Darius' gentle smile. Instead he saw his lover looking at him, slightly puzzled, but still affectionate. "What would you say if I burst out with a chorus or two of 'You gotta have friends'?" 

Methos put his hand on Duncan's forehead, pretending to assess his temperature. "I'd say it was either time for the straitjackets or the divorce lawyers. Is that something you're likely to do?" 

"Possibly. I love you, you know." 

"Of course you do, you moron. Now, give me Xan, and go get cleaned up. Early night, early start. I'll put him to bed, we'll have supper and then I'll put _you_ to bed, if you're lucky." 

Duncan stood up carefully but quickly enough to catch Methos by surprise. He caught his lover by his shirt and drew him close for a kiss. "Oh, I feel lucky, Methos. Very, very lucky." 

_And beloved, my friend. Always beloved._ Aye, Darius, he thought. _I am_. 


End file.
